I’ve done it. After nearly three years at it, I’ve found what once eluded Mick Jagger and friends in the mid-1960s: (Yes!) Satisfaction.
And the How? happens to be because I completed edits on my 116,185 word novel. Satisfaction is truly the word that best describes what I’m currently feeling. Elation and giddiness, too, have arrived. But more than those, I’m extraordinarily SATIATED and CONTENT (still have my thesaurus by my side) to have worked through this process. Though I’m done with this phase, part of me is sad that the grunt of the job has passed. This is why I know I’m a writer – not because I wanted to get to the end, but for the thrill of the course itself.
New adventures await. I spent about five bucks to ship off all 360 pages to New York to be read by the agent who shopped around my first book many, many years ago (which wasn’t awful, but could have used some tweaking – good ol’ hindsight). In the meantime, new writing will commence. Another novel, and an attempt at non-fiction. That will be tricky since I’m such a fantasy-land kind of girl. I can’t even tell you the last non-fiction book I’ve read. But again, the process is what matters. So I’m looking forward to more writing, and anything else that happens to follow.
Keep pushing, friends.
So, perhaps it was the Laser Jet ink that had me so high last night, going on romantically about the process of writing being so beautiful, so virtuous [It’s now the next day. I was waiting for my cute little picture to upload via Photo Stream to iPhoto. Took so long that I went to bed]. Not that I’m not buying the lemonade from my own stand, but really? REALLY? Writing is insanely stressful. And lonely. Pushing out meaningful paragraphs every morning at 5:00 am for the last five months (yeah, I missed a few days here and there), trying to turn a 10-page workshop assignment into a weighty, intelligible, imaginative story? Ignoring chores, missing out on lunches with co-workers, irrationally scolding my husband or kid if interrupted? This business ain’t the easiest, particularly with a marriage, two jobs, four kids, friends who like Happy Hours, and television … TELEVISION!
But okay, okay. It was still a thrilling ride. Especially these last few months when I promised myself to complete what had been my thesis (120 large font pages submitted back in April 2011), attempting to do so without my work affecting my family and job (I have to admit, my house hasn’t been clean since November). So I stand by my Satisfied. But itching, I admit, to see something grand happen to my work. It’s not just the process. It’s also the will to reach others. To connect to others with my words. When that happens, I’ll have to pull out my thesaurus again to pick just the right way to describe my feeling then. I have no idea what that word will be, but there’s a good chance that I may find myself Satisfied once again.